A Letter to President Obama

Dear Mr. President,

As you sign the order for more aid to Israel and as Malia and Sasha sit in the comfort of the White House, protected and safe, I would like you to take a moment to imagine the children of Gaza who are currently dodging bombs, tanks, and snipers.  The orphans, the dead, the psychologically damaged children of Gaza and the West Bank.  The broken, bruised, battered, children.  The innocent women and men who are just trying to survive until tomorrow with the hope that this barbaric siege and mass killing will soon end.

Perhaps  you have forgotten your roots as a community organizer in Chicago.  Perhaps you have forgotten that we, the people, elected you on platforms of hope and change.  Perhaps you have gotten yourself so far into the U.S. political machine that you have forgotten your humanity.

Your unwavering support for Israel and this genocide is inexcusable.  You are the representative of the PEOPLE and yet you bow to the Zionists whose only interest is perpetrating their agenda.  As of today, there are over 1600 Palestinians dead and thousands injured.  That number will rise exponentially once the smoke has cleared.  They have names, sir.  They have hopes and dreams.  They have families who love and care about them just like you love and care about Malia, Sasha, and Michelle.  What will your children think when they discover you were complicit in the cold blooded slaughter of their peers?

What you don't understand is how big of a disappointment you are to the citizens of the world.  When you were elected, there was an air of hope that you were somehow different.  That you cared about people and not just power.  That you would use your position as the most powerful man on Earth to bring justice to the oppressed and disenfranchised.  That you would show the world that the US wants all the citizens of the world to have the inalienable rights we cherish: the rights to life, freedom of speech and religion, and the pursuit of happiness. 

This is your legacy, sir.  

Sincerely and With a Heavy Heart,

A Proud US and Global Citizen

Palestine-Israel: Myths and Misconceptions

The current mantra in western media is "Israel has a right to defend itself" and of course that Hamas is a terrorist organization and it's their fault Palestinians are being killed. So naturally I have had many arguments with individuals who echo this sentiment. What facts about the situation have you found to be most effective in starting true dialogue about the conflict?

I find that is it most effective to call out the myths and misconceptions when discussing this particular topic.  The following are some of the myths I have heard coming out of the mouths of many Americans.

Common Myths and Misconceptions

1.) This conflict has been going on for hundreds of years and is religiously based.

No.  Actually this particular conflict really began prior to and immediately following WWII when the Zionist Jews of Europe decided to make their new homeland in Palestine.  Before that, Palestinians were the inhabitants.  And for the record, Palestinians are of Arab ethnicity and consist of Christian, Muslim and Jew religious backgrounds.  The history of the Middle East is long and complex, and I will go into it at a later time.  However, this is not a religious conflict.  This is a land and power conflict.  

2.) Israel has the right to defend itself.

I am always a bit baffled when I hear this come out of the mouths of politicians and other public figures.  Let us break this down.  Israel is a powerful force supported by world powers such as the U.S.  They violate international law (Israeli Violations of International Law) with their occupation, blockades, and settlements of Occupied Palestinian Territories.  They uproot trees and orchards of Palestinian farmers, build roads and walls that infiltrate Palestinian territory,  take houses and Palestinian land, limit the flow of goods, and think that there will be no backlash.  

• Gaza Blockade: Basically, Israel controls the flow of goods, what goes in and out and restricts the movement of Palestinians living in Gaza.  Goods include everything from medicines to fuel and good.   Gaza has been referred to as the "largest open air prison in the world" and is truly a dire situation.  The Gaza Siege a Factsheet by the Jerusalem Fund and UN OCHA Fact Sheet are some good resources for specific statistics.  
• Israel illegally occupies Palestinian territory through settlements in the West Bank and blockades in Gaza.  
• Settlements: A settlement is illegal according to international law.  Israel builds towns and villages located in strategic places within the Palestinian territories.  Sometimes they even kick Palestinians out of their houses, other times they build brand new infrastructure that is surrounded by walls and hundreds of military personnel.  Israel provides monetary compensation to settlers to do this.  In many cases, the settlers are foreign (U.S., European).  Settlers are the meanest of the mean and the most fundamental of the Israelis.  Settlements are strategic in location insofar as they break up the West Bank making it very difficult for Palestinians to move throughout the territory. Israeli Settlement Policy

When you are engaging in a discussion and this topic comes up, ask: What are they defending themselves against?  Likely the answer will be rockets and Hamas the terrorist organization.  See below in regards to Hamas and point number 1 in the following article by The Nation: Five Talking Points

3.) Hamas is a terrorist organization.

According to the United States government (and many others), this is true.  They do classify Hamas as a terrorist organization.  But why?  Because there are some that claim that Hamas denies Israel's right to exist.  

However, Hamas is a democratically elected government.  (Isn't that what we have been working to spread to this region of the world?) But when they are labeled as a terrorist organization, they are not considered an active participant in any political dialogue with foreign governments, including Israel.  So it gives the Israeli government an excuse not to move forward with peace negotiations.  Since they are a democratically elected government, they ought to get the opportunity to govern.  However this has not been possible.  

Hamas and the Tyranny of Labels

BTW: It is also a myth that they use innocent civilians as human shields and that they are the ones who instigated the conflict, particularly true for this latest bombardment of Gaza by the Israelis.

4.) This conflict doesn't affect me, so why should I care?

Well, technically it does, in two ways: politically and financially.

• Politically: No President has been elected without the support of the Israeli lobby.  No politician is able to publicly criticize Israel or its policies without severe backlash.  Foreign policy in the region are built around 
• Financially: Your tax dollars are being used to fund Israel.  "While so many Americans are subsisting on food stamps, losing their homes, and accumulating credit card debt they will never be able to pay off, the US is giving Israel $3 billion in direct foreign aid every year and, according to Congressman James Traficant, another $12-17 billion in indirect aid such as valuable military equipment deemed “scrapped,” loan guarantees, and preferential contracts. Israel is an affluent country with more than 10,000 millionaires and, according to the International Monetary Fund, was one of the few economies that weathered the 2008 financial storm nearly unscathed." How much does Israel cost the average American?  from Veterans Affairs

5.) You are being anti-semitic.

Hmmmm.  Let us define a semite.  From Merriam-Webster dictionary:

 a member of any of a number of peoples of ancient southwestern Asia including the Akkadians, Phoenicians, Hebrews, and Arabs

Please be very clear when people clear to people as to who is a semite.  Anti-semite is a term used to invoke a reaction or as a means to put an end to the dialogue.  Don't fall for it.  It is a way to distract from the real issues and dialogue, something we like to call a red herring.  Be aware.

Choosing your Battles: I think it is also to understand with whom you are engaging in this dialogue.  There are some people, no matter how many facts and figures you throw at them, will inevitably be closed to any other point of view.  While our gut reaction is to scream obscenities and want to physically shake some sense into them, I recommend taking the high road.  

I also recommend that you take about an hour and a half to watch this documentary.  Occupation 101.  It breaks things down pretty well.  

Women of the Camps - Introduction

I am no longer an idealist, I left that mentality somewhere in my early to mid 20s.  Around the same period where you begin to come to terms with the fact that you don't really know shit and realize your parents were right.  During my idealist phase I wanted to save the world, though not sure how to do so. Maybe work for the United Nations or become a top politician responsible for creating and implementing legislation in line with my values.  Ha! I'm sure we all know at this point in our lives that saving the world cannot be done through these means.  

So I have evolved into a cynic, also known as a realist.  The world can be a wonderful, beautiful place and at the same time cruel and tragic, filled with frustration and utter disbelief.  Some days it is a struggle to find the balance between beauty and tragedy, making it virtually impossible to be anything other than angry or numb.  But it is possible, you just have to look for it.  Or as the ever wise Alice Walker says,

“I have fought and kicked and fasted and prayed and cursed and cried myself to the point of existing.” 

And have I ever fought, kicked, fasted, prayed, cursed, and cried.  Sometimes that is necessary.  You can't keep all those frustrations and bad emotions inside, they will eventually poison you.

There are times, often when I am feeling the most frustrated and angry, that I am reminded of my privilege and my blessings.  I am also reminded of my duty, as someone who staunchly advocates for justice in the world, to my fellow people (and to the earth animals in some cases too).

And so on my latest journey, one I have been diligently preparing for, for over a year now, I came face to face with my 20 something year old self again in pursuit of completing my final "project" for my Masters degree.  

Palestinians have been displaced and under occupation for over 60 years now and Jordan hosts many of the refugees (some 350,000 in the camps) and at least half the population is of Palestinian decent.  Needless to say, there are more important details to mention about the relationship between Jordan and the Palestinians, but this will do for now.

As an avid reader and observer on the subject, I know the Palestinian people are beyond resilient, they are all that embodies resistance.  The simple act of surviving is a form of resistance, of carrying on the history (orally because much of the official documentation is lost or was destroyed ), thriving, celebrating, procreating, all of these things are acts of resistance.

I visited two camps, more specifically the women's program centers in the camps, just outside of Amman in Jerash and Marka.  I don't mean to be sexist here, but in my humble opinion, during times of duress, displacement, war, crisis, women tend to be the glue that holds the community together.  And this is certainly the case at Jerash and Marka camps. 

(I will elaborate more on each camp in other posts.)  

Needless to say, when talking to these women and listening to their frustration and concerns, my old self (that 20 something one) crept back into my consciousness and wanted to scream, "I can help you!" We can change this!"   Of course, my now 30 year old self had to reason with my younger half, "calm it down girl, that is not why you are here."  I think the "hows" and "whys" are the most challenging questions in any situation.  Why can't we reconcile the Palestinian/Israeli crisis? (well I know some of the answer to this but it is still beyond complex) How can we allow these people to remain in a constant state of uncertainty and how can we continue to allow them to suffer?  Again, I am reminded of one of my favorite poets, Rilke, who says:

   

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” 

My purpose, my duty is not to solve the problems of the Palestinian women refugees in the camps of Jordan, nor to solve any other problem, issue, crisis that does not directly involve me.  My duty is to be a bridge, linking people with people, facilitating the sharing of stories and playing the messenger - not speaking for them, just ensuring their message is distributed to a wider audience.  This is hard because there is little to no tangible "world saving" happening with the bridge method.  But through bridging people and cultures, we get to know more about the suffering of others, about the daily challenges they face, and about the empowerment and resistance taking place worlds away, and sometimes in our own neighborhoods.

Riding in on my Western horse crying "I know how to save you" is ignorant and disempowering.  I know this now and I think we all need to come to this conclusion on our own, in our own time and place.  So in the next couple of blogs I will document my brief encounters with these amazing women and attempt to shed some light on what the reality is for them.    

Salam,

A

_______________________________________________________________________________

Handala - Resistance in Cartoons

Naji Al Ali and Handala

www.handala.org

Al Ali writes: “The child Handala is my signature, everyone asks me about him wherever I go. I gave birth to this child in the Gulf and I presented him to the people. His name is Handala and he has promised the people that he will remain true to himself. I drew him as a child who is not beautiful; his hair is like the hair of a hedgehog who uses his thorns as a weapon. Handala is not a fat, happy, relaxed, or pampered child. He is barefooted like the refugee camp children, and he is an icon that protects me from making mistakes. Even though he is rough, he smells of amber. His hands are clasped behind his back as a sign of rejection at a time when solutions are presented to us the American way."

Handala was born ten years old, and he will always be ten years old. At that age, I left my homeland, and when he returns, Handala will still be ten, and then he will start growing up. The laws of nature do not apply to him. He is unique. Things will become normal again when the homeland returns.

I presented him to the poor and named him Handala as a symbol of bitterness. At first, he was a Palestinian child, but his consciousness developed to have a national and then a global and human horizon. He is a simple yet tough child, and this is why people adopted him and felt that he represents their consciousness."

*All the information from Handala was taken from Naji al Ali's website.  See the link above for more information and cartoons.

Top 10 List - ThingsYou Should Know About Jordan/Jordanian Culture

I am still recovering from my trip so this will be short and sweet.  Upon my recent trip to the States, I realized that people know little to nothing about this little Kingdom.  So here is a top 10 list (dedicated to DP, LB, and JH from HMH) that highlights some of the things I think you should know about Jordan.

10.) Going to and from Work is like Being in a Nintendo Mario Cart Game - That is, if Mario or Yoshi were honking the horn incessantly while smoking a cigarette, talking on the phone, and trying to cross three lanes in bumper to bumper traffic.
9.) Jordanians Can Party - More about this in my next blog.  Needless to say, they know how to have a good time!
8.) Mafi Oil - So mafi means none, or out of.  Unlike many of the neighboring countries, Jordan has no oil.  They also have no water, and little to no natural resources.
7.) Islam is not Scary - With rampant Islamaphobia in the West, and a large focus on the Islamic fundamentalists, it seems there is little to no knowledge about the average Muslim (though I think Lifetime tried to shed some light with a reality tv show that ended up being cancelled).  Islam is a very peaceful and beautiful religion and in no way scary.  Fundamentalists, on the other hand, are very scary.  But keep in mind, fundamentalists are present in every religion and are equally scary no matter which tradition they stem from :)
6.) It's All About the Family - Family is the nucleus of the society and great emphasis is put on caring for your family.  Children often live with their parents until they are married and the elderly are taken care of by the younger generations.  Don't even think about putting grandma in a home!  Jordan is also very tribal.  So it does matter who your daddy is, who your granddaddy is and where you come from.  Who you know can make or break business deals, or help you expedite government processes :)
5.) Borders - Nestled in the fertile crescent, Jordan borders the Occupied Palestinian Territories and Israel to the West, Saudi Arabia to the South, Syria to the North, and Iraq to the East.  In short, they are located in the midst of a shit-storm of conflict.  That being said, Jordan hosts a good portion of the refugees from these conflict ridden nations.  Half of the population (this is a controversial statistic) is of Palestinian origin.  During the Iraq war, Jordan hosted 1 million Iraqi "guests" and now, over 100,000 Syrians because of the mess in that country.  For a little country of 6.5 million, this puts tremendous strain on already scarce resources and further complicates the political environment of the region.  But hey, someone has to take care of these people.
4.) Long Live the King - The official name of Jordan is the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan, which means it is ruled by the King.  More specifically, His Majesty King Abdullah II.
3.) Amman is Safer than Chicago - My first weekend in Chicago, 41 people were shot.  Yes, in a weekend.  That would be unheard of here!  It is safe for Western women to walk around and go about daily business.  Besides, they love Americans!  Despite our shady foreign policies, Americans are respected and treated well here.
2.) Food is Delicious - And fresh!  I love the food here.  Some of the new fruits I have tried this spring include: green almonds, green cherries, and azkadenya.  I feel I am becoming more Jordanian in my eating habits, having labneh and bread with fruit for breakfast, falafel or shawerma for lunch, and some delicious dish a couple times a week for dinner courtesy of Umm Hazem.  Not to mention the olives, olive oil, and fresh citrus.  Superb.
1.) It's Complicated - Jordan is a very unique little country and the political, geographical, and sociological environments are complicated at best.  It is a country caught between tradition and modernity, not sure which direction to go next.  It is also a staunch ally of the United States and serves a very vital role in the region, particularly after the Arab Spring.  If you are interested, I can give you some resources to check out, or perhaps I can procure an expert on the region to explain things further, I know of at least one:)

So there you have it folks!  10 things you may or may not have known about Jordan.

Next blog -my latest wedding experience.  Opa! 

Back in the Blogosphere

It has been quite some time since I have blogged, months in fact, though I intended to post several times between then and now.  So much has happened that its hard to put the events of the last few months into a succinct series of thought.  But alas, I will try.

The holidays came and with them, lots of excitement.  I hosted a Thanksgiving gathering at my house, thankfully my friend Meghan did most of the cooking.  All went well, everyone ate too much, some drank too much, and I can safely say all guests left with full bellies and a good experience.

Then my friends left me.  Ha!  No really, they did though.  Well not all of them, but 3 whom I had grown quite close with, including my room mate.  Unfortunately, living the life of an expat in Jordan means a constant arrival and departure of people and friends.  Most stay for only a few months, working on language or doing and internship with any one of the international organizations here.  But Jordan seems to be a transit hub for most.  Apparently I might be one of the exceptions.

My original plan was to come here, do my research, learn Arabic, and get some cross-cultural work experience.  The one thing about life I have learned in my, now 30, years is that planning is a really ridiculous exercise because inevitably those plans will change.  Sometimes within your control, sometimes out of your control.  There is no use banging your head against a wall because life doesn't work out the way you originally planned.  That being said, I was offered a full time position with the company I have been "interning" with.  Ironically, this company is owned and managed by my adopted Jordanian family.....makes things a little more interesting.

So I accepted and will be extending my stay here.  Some days I think this is the best opportunity of my life.  Other days I look in the mirror and shake my head, but that is the way of things.  No situation is perfect and this is truly a unique opportunity.  Apparently today I am excited about it....ask me tomorrow :)

December came and the weather turned cold.  Not Chicago cold, but bone-chilling desert cold.  Regardless of the weather, to say that December was a rough month is an understatement.  Forget that I may have been battling a serious case of homesickness....and rightfully so!  But more importantly, the dear patriarch (Abu Hazem) of my adopted Jordanian family was hospitalized mid December and passed to the next world on 28th of December.

I remember asking my father, after the funeral of my cousin, if you ever get used to death.  Of course I was quite young and my father, who had experienced more than his fair share of loss at a young age, replied, no.  Death is devastating, no matter what the age or relationship.  And it isn't something you can prepare yourself for, despite the circumstances.  Abu Hazem had been sick for a while, but was incredibly resilient, surprising even the doctors with his strength.  But we are all human, which means at some point, our bodies will fail-this is both the beauty and the tragedy of life.

Abu Hazem and I had a unique relationship.  He was in the mid stages of Alzheimer's when I met him just 6 months ago, but we bonded in a way.  There wasn't much talking involved, most of our conversation was through body language, facial expressions, and eye contact.  It is truly amazing how much you can communicate without using words.  Through the Alzheimer's and various other medical issues he maintained an amazing sense of humor, constant smile, and light in his eyes.  I will remember him for his witty remarks, love of 7Up and appreciation of his wife's cooking - which is pretty amazing I must admit.

I know my adopted Jordanian family misses him more than words can describe, though I am happy to see they are finding strength in his memory and through each other.  Alice Walker once said, “To acknowledge our ancestors means we are aware that we did not make ourselves, that the line stretches all the way back, perhaps to God; or to Gods. We remember them because it is an easy thing to forget: that we are not the first to suffer, rebel, fight, love and die. The grace with which we embrace life, in spite of the pain, the sorrow, is always a measure of what has gone before. ”   The family of Abu Hazem has truly been graceful and unrelenting in their love and support of one another, led by the beautifully devoted and wise matriarch, Umm Hazem.  The healing will take time, minute by minute, day by day.......


So that was December....oh and Christmas fell somewhere between there, New Years too but I had the Jordanian flu (which is way different than the American flu if you are wondering) for like 3 weeks, so there was no New Year festivities for me.


And then.....and then, I had a birthday.  And I turned 30.  So weird to write that.  I am not usually all that concerned about age because I still pass for 18.  No really I do.  But 30 i s one of those milestones where you are required to re-examine your life and your goals and everything.  I started to do this, over analyze my life and goals and had a minor panic attack.  So I decided to stop.  Afterall, 30 is the new 20 right?  And that is that.


So much for an abridged version of my life for the last 3 months.  Blogs are supposed to be short, huh?  The next post will be much shorter, I promise.


So Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year to one and all!

Life as an ExPat

A funny thing happens when you are placed into a foreign environment without the comforts of your own normalcy or the tools and support systems that you come to rely upon for dealing with stressful situations, or even daily life.  It is very animalistic, you adapt and survive, or you end up miserable and counting the days until you return "home."

I have lived somewhat of a nomadic lifestyle, moving several times in the course of my adult life.  And the moving part does get easier every time because new tools and new strategies are developed or honed out of necessity, kind of like evolution.

I knew that moving to a completely foreign culture was going to be difficult, challenging to say the least.  I am lucky to have had a support system in place, one that I can rely upon for virtually anything and I believe this to be unique.

Westerners are a very independent group of people who thrive on the notion of individuality.  I, in particular, have the mentality of "I can do it myself and don't need your help."  Now this is something I have been working on for a long time, and I am getting better at asking for assistance, or at least not being so opposed to it when its offered.  Though I do still need my autonomy or I become a very unhappy person.  In Amman, I have lost a lot of my autonomy and it has been one of the most difficult transitions of my life.  The language barrier is one thing (though getting better) but the cultural barrier is even more tremendously challenging than I ever though it would be.  That is why I am so thankful to have created an expat safety net - something everyone who lives abroad should have, I think.

This safety net consists of a group a other expats from around the world who have been living in Amman for various periods of time (some a couple months, others a couple years, etc.).  The whole expat phenomenon is quite hilarious, actually, but necessary to remain sane at the same time.  The friendships were quite instant and we bonded over the strangest things, and I will share a few with you.

Alcohol is not a big part of the culture here.  In the States, we are drinkers.  We like a glass of wine at night or even a beer with our meals (generally speaking of course) and most social occasions include some sort of alcoholic beverage, right?  Well since alcohol is not a part of the mainstream culture here, you don't necessarily have the tools you might assume would be present in any household.  My group of friends has become fond of a local, Jordanian wine called St. Georges wine.  It is actually quite delicious and we frequently consume it during dinners or other social occasions.  The problem is that there is a shortage of wine keys (wine opening devices) in the region.  The conversation goes something like this:
Person 1: Shall we open the wine?
Person 2: Absolutely!
Person 1: Do you have a wine opener?
Person 2: Shit.
Person 3: Do you have any Christian neighbors?
Person 2: I don't think so.  Lets Google it...

Meanwhile, person 3 and 4 are likely rummaging through the drawers looking for some sort of device to pry out the cork while the other two Google how to open a bottle without a wine key.  There is actually a way to do it using a shoe (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuGfjtBffiE  mind you it is in French...an innovative bunch they are.)  We have yet to try this method, but are bound and determined to master this particular skill.  Another thing to note, alcohol consumption is kind of a no-no in Islam, so most of the liquor stores are owned by Christians (bunch of winos, those Christians).

Needless to say, we always find a way and usually end up prying the cork out of the bottle or using some sort of kitchen gadget to push the cork into the bottle.  Never a dull moment.

The other thing that has been quite entertaining to experience is the Arab toilet.  Now 99% of the places we frequent have very nice bathroom facilities that don't require any special skills to use, but there are some places in which the only option is the dreaded Arab toilet.  You should Google this now.  Another disclaimer, the "Arab toilet" is actually common in other parts of the world as well, so it is not unique to this region.  Have you Googled it yet because if you haven't the next story will seem a bit strange.

Women have a particularly unique problem when having to use an Arab toilet because we don't have the luxury of being able to stand to pee like our male counterparts.  Though I was informed of a device called the SheePee, which allows women some flexibility in this arena.  If you haven't Googled Arab toilet yet, you should know that it consists of a hole in the ground with some cement or tile around it, and a hose.

Strategically, this situation is very challenging for women, particularly if wearing pants or other complicated garments (tights or pantyhose - yeah good luck with that).  So the issue is to get the right angle so you don't end up urinating on yourself or your clothing and at the same time, maintain your balance so you don't fall into the hole.  We have put a lot of thought into this problem and have come up with a few solutions for those women who will have to use such bathroom facilities in the future.
1.) Develop an exercise program that concentrates on the muscles used to squat.
2.) Invent undergarments that can be removed easily (using velcro or something like that) to prevent the dreaded aiming issue.

A new friend recently told us that the trick is to completely squat down when using this particular kind of toilet.  I have yet to try it, but she is a trusted source who has tried various methods and apparently this one works best for her.  We will see.

Regardless of how ridiculous these scenarios might seem, they are very integral to the bonding process and friendship development for expats.  There are particular things you feel more comfortable discussing with individuals from your own culture.  Using the bathroom and opening wine happen to be two of those things.  The other important component to recognize is the process of discovery and experimentation that occurs as a result of being out of your element.  Going through these situations not only makes for good stories, but also builds relationships, trust, and a sense of belonging.  Its nice to know that there are other people struggling with the same things, with the same cultural nuances.  These scenarios are very surface level, but they lead to shared sense of community that is vital for your mental and emotional health when the tradition modes aren't available.

Anyway, I am very thankful to have these people in my life at this particular time and hope that our new friendships last as each of us transitions to new adventures - wherever they may be in this tiny, tiny world.

PS.  I have included links, on the sidebar, to some of my friends doing amazing work and art.  You should check them out.

Passports, Privilege, and Progress

Life is moving along, as it always does, and I am not sure where the time has gone.  Today marks the two month anniversary of my arrival in Amman.  Somedays it feels like I just arrived, and other days like I have been here for years.

Lately, I have been keenly aware of my nationality.  Living in the States, even traveling around the world I am aware of the place from where I come but it doesn’t permeate thorughout the concept of my identity.  I suppose that is because of the culture in which I grew up.  We are very individualistic, Americans that is, and except for defining historical moments, and before major events, we rarely identify ourselves by our nationality first...its usually quite far down the list - from my observation anyway.  I am Amanda, student, daughter, sister, friend, leftist, avid reader, political junkie, lover of languages, travel, and yoga.  In fact, when people ask me where I am from (and to prevent a lengthy explanation of my somewhat nomadic life) I tell them Chicago because that is where I lived and that is where my roots (parents) live. But here, I am an American.

My Arabic is improving, and I can hold a conversation with taxi drivers...they are a talkative group of people....but I am immediately recognized as a foreigner.  The first question they ask (after determining my destination)  is, “where are you from?”  Here is an example of typical conversation:

Cabbie: Where are you from?

Me: Chicago

Cabbie: Oh, America.  What are you doing here?  Are you working or a student?

Me: I am studying Arabic.

Cabbie: Very good.  Are you studying at the University of Jordan?

Me: Yes (I am not really but its easier than saying I am taking lessons from a private tutor)

Cabbie: Oh very good.  Are you married?

Me: Yes

Cabbie: To an American?

Me: No, to a Jordanian

Cabbie: Where is he from?  What does he do?

Its about this time where I begin to go into an explanation of what my fake Jordanian husband does.  Sometimes he is a student, finishing his studies.  Other times he is business person or even in international development.  The next question is usually, “Do you have any children?” and I say no, we are finishing our studies or something else.  More than once I have been asked whether my fake Jordanian husband is a Muslim and if I am a Christian.  And thankfully, usually I am close to my destination at this point and can stop the line of questioning there.

Disclaimer: I was told to tell taxi drivers I am married to a Jordanian because they are likely to back off if they think I have a husband from the region.

Normally, folks here are very welcoming once they find out what my nationality is, but it makes me incredibly uncomfortable.  I suppose this is a cultural idiosyncrasy I have to get used to.  

I am also singled out as an American at the office, and am being used for my very American sounding name.  I am doing this willingly, but it makes me incredibly aware of the privilege and the responsibility that comes with being Amanda the American.  Because I am from the States, people here - particularly in the professional realm - believe me to have more credibility than an Arab.  This is absolutely untrue, of course, and truly baffling to see in action.  People respond to an email coming from my email address but won’t respond to people who might have an Arab sounding name even though, in all reality, I have no idea what is going on most of the time.  Good thing I am fairly well versed in bullshitting - thanks to a long career in retail and formal training in the art of philosophy.  (Philosophy is much more than bullshitting, btw, but has granted me the training necessary to be able to think on my toes.)

And the final situation that made me feel all red, white, and blue was when I was asked to help someone get a visa to work in the States.  This individual is an Arab, not from Jordan, and doesn’t speak a word of English but I was going to help him fill out the application online and do whatever else needed to be done to get the process started for his visa.  Apparently there was a bit of a misunderstanding because he left his passport on my desk one morning, expecting that I could get him a visa.  Let me clarify - he believed that I could...as an American....pull a visa out of who knows where, stamp it and TADAA!  Welcome to the U.S.  

Needless to say, I could not help this man, but it was a wake up call (along with all the other scenarios that make me feel like a star on the flag), in that there are still many people around the world who have this perception of Americans that is unrealistic and idealistic....think typical American movie - yeah thats how we are perceived.  Well let me quote a movie that is more accurate for my situation, truly a pillar of my generation: "you ain't got no job, you ain't got no money.."  well most of you know the rest, and if you don't, it will get lost in translation, trust me.

I understood before how blessed and privileged I am for not only having the friends and family I do, but also for having been born in the United States.  I don't necessarily enjoy being reminded of it on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, but I guess that is the nature of privilege sometimes.  

So in honor of Halloween tomorrow, I will not be Amanda the American but instead I will be Amandita the Latina.  It will be an interesting social experiment, don’t you think?  

P.S.  Below is a picture of the citadel at night and the moon.  Truly an incredible sight, though the picture does not do it justice.